My entire life is one complicated drinking game
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
