the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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