a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
