I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
