I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
