Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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