I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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