How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
