Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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