It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
