it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
