Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
