someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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