I hope mine doesn't look like that
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
