I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
