Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
