"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
