he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
