My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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