You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
