Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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