dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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