We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
