No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
