I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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