and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
