The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
