Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize