Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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