His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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