My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
