Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
