the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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