We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
