woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
