I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
