I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
