I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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