Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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