im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
