Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize