never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
