I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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