You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
