i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
