i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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