Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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