no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
