I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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