put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
