fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you still have your period?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
