dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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