dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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