..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
