You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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