Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
