Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
