Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i came on her dog
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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