I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
