I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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