In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
