i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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