If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My dick has a subreddit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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