so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
