hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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