Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
