Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
