i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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