There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
