I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
