this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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