I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
