so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize