Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
