OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
