ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
