i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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