using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
