I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
