My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
