I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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