I should be sponsored by Trojan
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
