My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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