There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
