When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i drank out of a bidet.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
