I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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