I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
