I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
