either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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