this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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