you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
