It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
