So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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