Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
